I mentioned the other day that I was working on a talk about joy—or more specifically, joyful early learning. Praise God, I finished it! Now I'm rehearsing it over and over again (lol). As tedious as that can be, the reason I wanted to give this talk is because… well… I need it, or at least parts of it.

Honestly, based on the emails I receive from time to time, I have a feeling some of you might need it too. About 97.5% of the "struggle" emails I receive are emails I absolutely could have written myself at some point, so there is ZERO shade here. BTDT, for real.

Many of the emails I receive that are related to behavioral and attitude struggles in children are also reflected in the emotional dysregulation the parent is displaying in the email. Sometimes, their language makes it clear that they are genuinely on the struggle bus with keeping it together, feeling overwhelmed, and overstimulated. Even more often, they simply admit it themselves. Whether it's an issue with self-control, anger, or diligence, it's usually confessed before they begin expressing their frustration over their child's struggles with… you guessed it… self-control, anger, or diligence.

I can identify so profoundly with these types of emails because I have fully lived it. When my girls were younger, and we only had two children, our lives were dysregulated in every possible way. Spiritually, relationally, physically, emotionally, financially… Y'ALL. If it could be a mess, it was a mess.

God is faithful and has redeemed all of that slowly over time, and He is still redeeming it. Because I have experienced being a very dysregulated parent and saw firsthand how that dysregulation was reflected in the little mirrors I call children, and now have experienced being a Christ-following, more-healed-than-not, mostly emotionally regulated parent, I cannot tell you how deeply our own posture and emotional regulation matter. Life isn't perfect because I certainly am not, but the difference is stark.

Which is why I wanted to write a talk about joyful learning that spends more than half the time talking about the joyful part rather than the learning part.

The talk is pretty long (like this blog post, lol). It covers foundational work on joy and joyful learning before digging into both Classical education and the Charlotte Mason philosophy. Then it pulls everything together to show how both Classical education and Charlotte Mason support and nurture a joyful home atmosphere.

But what I really emphasize in the talk is probably not why people are going to walk into the room. It's what I feel led to share because I think it's the most important part.

Curriculum Cannot Create Joy

Your homeschool curriculum or educational philosophy will not bring joy into a home that is lacking joy already. Said another way, when we expect or believe that a particular educational format is going to develop a virtue in our home that we have not already personally tended, we are expecting too much of it, and we will be disappointed. We often want homeschooling, curriculum, or systems to fix problems they did not create and are not equipped to fix.

Before we go any further, I want to make an important distinction. We often conflate joy and fun, and it's really important that we don't do that here:

Joy is a delightfulness in our soul because of all that God has done for us. It is rooted in gratitude and a right perspective of who we are in reference to God. It is also a fruit of the Spirit.
Fun, on the other hand, is a temporary feeling of excitement or happiness that comes from an experience or circumstance.

Of course, we can be joyful while having fun. But we can also be joyful when we are not having fun. Joy gives us a lightness in our spirit, but it is not dependent upon our circumstances or how much fun we are having.

Understanding what joy is and where it comes from is so important in our homeschools because sometimes, when our homeschool experience or parenting doesn't feel joyful, we assume the problem must be the curriculum or philosophy. It's really easy to point to the outside thing as the problem rather than face the reckoning that we are actually the problem. (Ask me how I know, lol.)

Educational philosophy can be beautiful, rich, and inviting. It can bring order and inspiration. It can invite us into goodness, truth, and beauty. But it cannot manufacture joy in a home where joy is not already being cultivated. Our curriculum and philosophy are an addition. They are not the source.

Now, I don't want you to hear what I'm not saying. I am not saying that curriculum and educational philosophy should not be enjoyable. We do want to have fun, enjoy our children, and delight in learning together. But we also want to establish an environment in our home that is not depending first on the curriculum or philosophy to create joy.

A Joyful Homeschool Begins with the Parent

A joyful home learning experience cannot depend on an educational philosophy. It relies first upon the heart posture of the mother. And yes, the father too—but in most homeschool days, it is often the mother's emotional regulation, expectations, gratitude, and presence that set the tone.

(I really love the book Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas when it comes to understanding what an honor it is to be the "thermostat" in our home in relation to atmosphere and emotional regulation.)

A joyful disposition, in general, has to come first. And it must extend into our home education responsibilities.

That does not mean we are giddy and laughing all the time. It does not mean every lesson is magical, every child is cheerful, the math lesson becomes painless, or the laundry disappears. It simply means we recognize that God is sovereign, and we do not have to hold the weight of the world on our shoulders. When we stop trying to carry weight that was never ours to carry, it becomes easier to enjoy our lives. Self-inflicted pressure rooted in a controlling attitude—and ultimately rooted in fear—is our worst enemy.

Joy Is a Fruit We Cultivate

Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. The only way it's available to us is if we ask for it and the Lord grants it to us. But as someone who believes in a cooperative relationship with the Holy Spirit, I don't believe this is passive.

We will not suddenly get "zapped" with joy.

Certainly, the Lord could do that if He wanted to. But from my own personal experience, and from the small sample size of people I know, when we ask for a fruit of the Spirit, we often have to do the work in our own beliefs and thought patterns in order to receive it. (The Lord isn't one to cast pearls before swine, so we have to stop being swine to enjoy the pearls of joy.)

This means we must take our thoughts captive, directing our attitude, mindset, and imagination toward godly things and godly virtue. We direct our thoughts—intentionally, and usually effortfully until it becomes habitual—toward gratitude, beauty, Truth, and what God has actually placed in front of us today. The Lord, in His graciousness, will allow us the opportunity to taste and see His goodness, helping us consistently live with joy in our souls.

Joy Creates the Right Expectations

When there is an atmosphere of joy in the home, including surrounding learning, we have a solid foundation from which we can have right expectations of our educational philosophy and curriculum. But when that atmosphere is not present, we may ask too much of our materials. We may expect a curriculum to heal dynamics in our family, our home, or our character that it was never designed to fix.

A curriculum or philosophy can support your home. It can nurture what is already growing. It can give you tools, order, ideas, beauty, and direction. But it cannot save the atmosphere of your home. That is deeper work.

Honestly, I don't share that truth to discourage us. I think it actually frees us. Every moment won't be magical, and every lesson won't be fun. (There, I said it, lol.) When we rightly order our home and our children's education toward things that are worthy of delight, it nurtures the atmosphere of joy that is already present according to God's gift of grace.

Beauty, truth, goodness, good habits, good labor, virtue, and affection—these godly things nurture joy in our homes. They affirm our joy. They help us delight in the Lord and delight in one another.

The Joy Comes First

So before we ask, "Is this curriculum going to bring joy into our homes and school days?" we should first ask whether we are already cultivating a joyful heart posture toward our family and our work. That posture leads to a more stable, joyful home environment in which our children can thrive, regardless of curriculum selection.

Joyful learning is not always entertaining, magical, or cozy, though it can certainly include all of those things. Joyful learning is formation rooted in delight in the Lord. The joy must come first.

And from that joy, we teach.

I hope this was an encouragement to you, sweet friend. My prayer is that, wherever you are in your homeschool journey today, the Lord would continue cultivating true joy in your heart and in your home. As we learn to delight in Him first, our homes become places where beauty, truth, goodness, and joyful learning naturally flourish.

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