Rigor or Diligence?

One of my biggest parenting and education regrets?

It’s not that I wish I had been more rigorous. It’s that I wish I had been more diligent.

Diligence, self-control, and consistency were not virtues that were well developed when I entered motherhood. In fact, because I did not have Christ, I think I barely had any virtue at all. There’s not much that pains my heart more than remembering how unfaithful I often was with my sweet girls.

Praise God that He captured my heart and began a great work in me. Because of that—and because of home education—I began to grow in virtue alongside my daughters. Part of that growth was realizing the wisdom of diligence in home education. There is no growth without consistency.

I’ve now seen both sides of the coin: the struggle that came from delaying academics and leaning too heavily into child-led learning, and the fruit that comes from a diligent, consistent education. They are incomparable.

Lately, I’ve noticed another word making the rounds in homeschooling circles: rigor. I think it’s worth slowing down to ask whether that’s really what we’re looking for.

Why "Rigor" Is Suddenly Everywhere

After returning home from the Teach Them Diligently conference in Pigeon Forge, I found myself thinking about the conversations I had with so many families.

I met parents who were hopeful, overwhelmed, eager to do right by their children, and trying to sort through all the different voices telling them what homeschooling "should" look like.

At the same time, I've noticed "rigor" becoming something of a buzzword online. It's a word I heard often when I first began homeschooling over fifteen years ago, but it quietly faded over the last decade. Now it seems to be making a comeback.

I understand why. Many parents are worried their children are falling behind. They want structure. They want progress. They want confidence that they're giving their children what they need.

Those are good desires. But I don't think "rigor" is actually the word most of us are searching for.

Interestingly, the Latin noun rigor carries meanings like stiffness, rigidity, and harshness. I don't know about you, but those aren't words I would choose to describe my vision for our homeschool.

How We Got Here

Here's my hypothesis.

As homeschooling moved from the fringe into the mainstream, more and more passionate homeschool mothers began sharing their lives online. I love that. I genuinely do. I love seeing beautiful homeschool days. I love Charlotte Mason content. I love encouraging moms who are opening their homes to let others learn alongside them.

None of what I'm about to say comes from a critical spirit.

But somewhere along the way, Charlotte Mason's educational philosophy became intertwined with a particular lifestyle aesthetic.

Because Miss Mason valued children as whole persons, encouraged time outdoors, emphasized living books, and cultivated beauty, many families who embraced her philosophy also happened to enjoy homemade food, homesteading, natural living, gardening, child-led interests, or slower rhythms of life.

Those things often appeared together. Over time, many people unconsciously began treating them as though they were the same thing.

I've even received emails from parents saying Charlotte Mason "doesn't work" because they don't want to live on a homestead, avoid seed oils, or embrace a crunchy lifestyle.

That email gave me tremendous clarity.

Charlotte Mason never required any of those things.

Unfortunately, many families who were attracted to the aesthetic adopted what they believed was a Charlotte Mason education without fully understanding her educational philosophy. Others rejected her philosophy entirely because they assumed it required embracing a lifestyle they weren't interested in.

The result has been understandable confusion.

When Gentleness Gets Misunderstood

Along the way, Charlotte Mason's emphasis on gentleness has gradually become confused with:

• child-led learning

• low expectations

• a lack of intentional planning

• inconsistency

• unschooling-lite

Those are very different ideas. Charlotte Mason absolutely honored children as whole persons. She also believed deeply in laying a careful course of education.

That distinction matters.

As this confusion has spread, many homeschooling parents have found themselves discouraged. They've faithfully followed what they believed was a Charlotte Mason approach, only to realize their children weren't developing the knowledge, habits, and skills they had hoped for.

Naturally, they begin looking in the opposite direction. They begin looking for rigor.

My Own Experience

I understand that temptation because I've lived it.

Years ago, when my girls were young, I was deeply drawn toward delaying formal academics—especially math. One daughter was dyslexic, and teaching her to read already consumed every bit of my energy. My other daughter had developed math anxiety during her time in public school.

Delaying math sounded wonderful.

Around that time, I read about an educational experiment in which formal math instruction was delayed until fifth grade. The conclusion appeared to show that children could "catch up" quickly once they were developmentally ready.

I loved that idea.

So we baked. We measured. We used rulers. We talked about geometry naturally throughout life. I immersed myself in books about unschooling, strewing, and following my children's interests.

If you know me, you know I rarely do anything halfway.

But eventually I noticed something.

If we doubled a recipe on Monday and practiced fraction conversions, then tried another recipe a few days later, we were starting over from the beginning.

Every single time.

What I didn't know then was that both of my daughters were neurodivergent. One would later be diagnosed with dyscalculia.

By delaying intentional instruction, I also delayed discovering the areas where they genuinely needed support.

That experience changed me.

The Pendulum Doesn't Have to Swing

I think many homeschooling families have experienced something similar.

After reacting—quite understandably—to unhealthy educational systems, we've sometimes swung the pendulum so far in the opposite direction that we've confused freedom with the absence of intentionality.

Now the pendulum seems to be swinging back. Parents become concerned about gaps. So the answer becomes:

• more pressure

• more hours

• more intensity

• more outcome-focused performance

• more Latin

I don't think that's the answer either.

I think what many of us are really looking for is diligence.

Diligence Changes Everything

After more than fifteen years of homeschooling—and now having graduated two daughters—I can say this with confidence:

Our children need our diligence. And not just in their education.

Diligence is the careful, persistent, earnest effort we bring to the responsibilities God has entrusted to us. It means paying close, steady attention. It means faithfully returning to the work, day after day, even when progress feels slow.

Our children need to see, know, and believe that we are trustworthy—that we keep our word to ourselves and to them. When we are diligent, persistent, and attentive, it shapes far more than academics. It shapes the atmosphere of our homes.

It teaches our children that steady faithfulness matters. It gives them something dependable when everything around them feels uncertain. They learn they can count on us for consistency, even while they're still learning consistency themselves.

Gentle and Diligent

One of the beautiful things about homeschooling is that we don't have to choose between structure and delight.

We can collect eggs. We can study Latin. We can chase a child's fascination with trucks for three weeks. We can systematically teach handwriting, composition, mathematics, grammar, and science.

We can enjoy living books, spend hours outside, and still provide a thoughtful, incremental course of education.

Children can learn Latin conjugations—when our purpose is larger than "rigor"—while still having time to pursue the interests God has placed within them. They can receive gentleness because we honor their God-given individuality. They also benefit from our careful, persistent, earnest effort to faithfully guide their education.

Faithfulness Over Harshness

A rigorous, unyielding, inflexible education isn't life-giving. Neither is an education with no course at all.

Our children don't need either extreme. They need parents who are willing to thoughtfully choose a course and faithfully walk it with them.

Choose a curriculum. Implement it diligently. Adjust it as your family grows. Remain faithful.

The fruit rarely appears overnight, but over months and years of steady attention, consistency, and grace.

Looking back, I don't wish I had been harder. I don't wish I had demanded more hours or more pressure.

I simply wish I had understood earlier what I know now:

Our children don't need more rigor.

They need our diligence.