I mentioned the other day that I was working on a talk about joy—or more specifically, joyful early learning. Praise God, I finished it! Now I'm rehearsing it over and over again (lol). As tedious as that can be, the reason I wanted to give this talk is because… well… I need it, or at least parts of it.

Honestly, based on the emails I receive from time to time, I have a feeling some of you might need it too. About 97.5% of the "struggle" emails I receive are emails I absolutely could have written myself at some point, so there is ZERO shade here. BTDT, for real.

Many of the emails I receive that are related to behavioral and attitude struggles in children are also reflected in the emotional dysregulation the parent is displaying in the email. Sometimes, their language makes it clear that they are genuinely on the struggle bus with keeping it together, feeling overwhelmed, and overstimulated. Even more often, they simply admit it themselves. Whether it's an issue with self-control, anger, or diligence, it's usually confessed before they begin expressing their frustration over their child's struggles with… you guessed it… self-control, anger, or diligence.

One of my biggest parenting and education regrets?

It’s not that I wish I had been more rigorous. It’s that I wish I had been more diligent.

Diligence, self-control, and consistency were not virtues that were well developed when I entered motherhood. In fact, because I did not have Christ, I think I barely had any virtue at all. There’s not much that pains my heart more than remembering how unfaithful I often was with my sweet girls.

Praise God that He captured my heart and began a great work in me. Because of that—and because of home education—I began to grow in virtue alongside my daughters. Part of that growth was realizing the wisdom of diligence in home education. There is no growth without consistency.

I’ve now seen both sides of the coin: the struggle that came from delaying academics and leaning too heavily into child-led learning, and the fruit that comes from a diligent, consistent education. They are incomparable.

Lately, I’ve noticed another word making the rounds in homeschooling circles: rigor. I think it’s worth slowing down to ask whether that’s really what we’re looking for.

Education is about formation, not just information.

If your educational experience was anything like mine (public schoolers, raise your hand!), when you picture “education,” you primarily think “information.”

From a traditional schooling perspective, the daily goals look a lot like:

• facts to learn

• chapters to finish

• standards to cover

• tests to pass

And if we're honest, these expectations follow many of us into homeschooling. We assume our job is to deliver as much knowledge as possible, as efficiently as possible. Then, we probably need to do a test of some sort so we can SEE that our kids learned and maybe also show others that they're learning too.

Last week, on social media, I shared a post about discernment vs. control for homeschooling parents. It struck a nerve with many parents, so I wanted to share more here, plus the book list I created.

Here’s the gist:

In the early years of parenting, our job is control.

We control:

• what they eat

• what they watch

• where they go

• who they spend time with

• how and what they learn

I'm afraid my kids think I'm losing it.

I've had a hard time getting through studies, hymns, and readings lately without getting weepy. Whether it's singing Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing or reciting The Lamb by William Blake or even repeating our catechisms about the just wrath of God, I just end up in a big puddle at the end.

It's a hard pill to swallow … to imagine the suffering of my perfect, sinless, loving, compassionate Savior … all because of my sin. That, even knowing what He endured, I still pick up the nails and hammer every day. My stomach turns to think that on a normal Thursday afternoon, my flesh weaves a new crown of thorns to plunge into His scalp. When I am angry, inconvenienced, or honestly just uncomfortable, it is horrifying how often I choose to whip His back with the lashes of my tongue instead of humbling myself at the foot of His Cross.

My sweet Savior, tortured and murdered for my sins. I readily confess it with my lips, I rely on it for the salvation of my soul, and still, in my flesh, I crucify Him again and again.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

I was on the struggle bus last week. I’ll be the first to tell you—February is always a hard month. Even when you don’t homeschool, you can feel it. Everyone is tired of the cold and dreariness, home starts to feel a little claustrophobic, there’s not a lot going on socially as people withdraw, and we start looking ahead to what feels like greener grass instead of continuing to rest and work where we are.

If you’ve been thinking about quitting homeschool because you’re anxious about progress, comparing your days to social media, comparing your kids to their peers, or you and your kids are just plain tired of one another, I want you to know that you aren’t alone. This is a well-known phenomenon in the homeschool world, usually called the February Slump.

How you’re feeling has a name. If nothing else comforts you, let that.