I received a text from a sweet friend last night — one who is in the thick of her first year or two of homeschooling. As she’s been spending many sleepless nights cradling and nursing her newborn infant recently, thoughts and concerns have flooded her mind over the progress of her 6-year-old daughter’s reading.

Anyone who has been in the thick of homeschooling for one year or ten remembers those days well. Not one of us is impervious to fears, second-guessing, unmet expectations, and the torture of comparison.

What follows is a version of my response to her concerns — words she and I agreed should be shared with you as well. These words were once offered to me, small doses at a time, from the women ahead of me, speaking Truth into the midst of my fears. Some of these words are things I never heard but my heart desperately yearned for. And many of them are the result of hours, weeks, and years of pouring my aching heart out to a Father who understood and cared about it all.

Dear Scared, Worried, New Homeschool Mama,

If you’re reading these words, you may have an area of concern with a particular child that’s keeping you up at night. Or you may be questioning your sanity over choosing to homeschool at all in the first place.

You might have friends and family — with the best of intentions — offering you the reminder that you can always just put your child in school to make things “easier for yourself.” You likely feel a little lonely and a lot overwhelmed.

Whether it’s a child who isn’t quite reading as well as a friend’s child yet, a kiddo who can’t sit still long enough to complete even a single math problem, or a child exhibiting awkward social traits you’d rather not see… There is no end to the opportunities for us to question our choices and worry if this truly IS “the best” for our child.

The truth you need right now

I want to lighten your load for just a second — to pull off every fear and concern that’s wedged itself into the corners of your mind. I hope you’ll take a deep breath and let this sink into your soul:

For that child who just isn’t quite where you want him to be — academically or socially — you can’t make him learn. You are incapable of that.

You can expose, offer, vary, and repeat again and again. But you can no more open up your child’s mind and pour knowledge into it than you can cause the sun to rise or set tomorrow.

Your responsibility is to keep offering the opportunity to learn, again and again. Offer it in different ways, in different places, under different circumstances — but accept that you are solely responsible for doing that alone, not for controlling the knowledge that makes its way into your child’s heart and mind.

Your job is to plant seeds, not control outcomes.

And here’s an even more important truth: Your fears? Your anxiety? They add nothing to your homeschool except strain. They do not bring peace, effectiveness, or joy. In fact, they will destroy those things. Ask me how I know.

God’s timing is perfect

God made your child and knows exactly what she needs to know — and when she needs to know it. He will either open her understanding or give you the wisdom and resources to present it in a way she can finally grasp. He will work it out.

Don’t get caught up in the doubts and lies, sweet friend. I 1000% understand. But be wiser than I was. Pray. Pray the worries, fears, hesitations, and doubts — and leave them at the mercy seat, with the ONLY One capable of giving wisdom and knowledge to anyone.

Grace for your past decisions

If your child seems “behind” in some way, there’s a good chance you’re giving yourself the old 1-2 punch for not doing something differently earlier.

Maybe you didn’t buckle down soon enough.
Maybe you weren’t as consistent as you think you should have been.
Maybe you chose the wrong curriculum.
Maybe… maybe… maybe.

But God.

God, who knows all and is capable of all, gives you abounding grace. With humility, offer some to yourself.

The “you” of last year — and every day since — had valid reasons and real-life seasons for making each choice you’ve made along the way. You have always done your very best with what you had at the time.

When we look back on what we did and imagine what we should have done, we’re looking through an unclear, incomplete lens. You did what you could, and that was exactly the right thing for that moment.

Now, you are where you are — and you can do what you can do today, your best, like you always have. And God will cover every single thing else.

Rest in the calling

You likely didn’t jump into homeschooling on a whim. Chances are, you prayed over each decision. Rest in the fact that God led you here, and let go of the questions and regrets.

And if you didn’t pray about it at the time? Let go — and learn from that too.

We can’t control the future. We can’t change the past. We can only live to do our best in this singular moment, trusting God with the rest.

You’re not alone in these fears

Every single homeschool mom I know has walked through years of uncertainty, worry, fear, and anxiety over her child’s knowledge and her own ability to teach.

As a new homeschool mom, you sometimes need someone to look you in the eye and say: Everything is going to be okay.

My favorite scripture for homeschooling is this:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

After homeschooling for over a decade, I can promise you His grace truly is sufficient. Even better — His power will be magnified in the areas you see as weakness.

Whether you’re fretting over “failed” reading instruction, your lack of science knowledge, or your own ineptitude in math, His power will overcome that. He will provide, stand in the gap, and lead you exactly where you need to be.

The more you trust, the freer you’ll feel

The more you lay your homeschool at the foot of the cross — shutting out naysayers, critics, Instagram, and all the voices echoing your “failures” — the more freedom and joy you’ll find in your homeschool.

You weren’t called to this by mistake. God didn’t bring you here so you could do it alone, judge yourself harshly, or label yourself a failure. He loves you and your child far too much for that.

Take a breath

So take a deep breath, sweet friend. In those long nights of nursing, or in the moments you’re questioning this calling, seek Him.

Trust that He has been, is, and always will be there.
Trust that He cares about the details just as much as the overall goal.
Trust that He is a God of process — in your child and in you.

Love ya, friend.
— Erin

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