Criticism is something I’ve battled my entire life. It came from extended family members, friends, acquaintances, leaders, and even strangers.

My earliest memory dealing with it was as a small child. Being criticized for being a female while all my cousins and siblings were males was constant. Growing up in a family where my extended relatives praised males was challenging. I never felt enough, no matter how hard I tried.

As a young adult, I worked under a leader who didn’t fully agree with women in ministerial roles. I found myself receiving the same sort of criticism I did as a child. Nothing I did was ever good enough, and every time I opened my mouth, I was told I said something wrong. I was given clear instructions, followed them exactly, but somehow I was still critiqued. It was constant, and it was heartbreaking. It crushed my spirit.

Proverbs 15:4 says, “Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”

During this season of criticism, my heart developed a struggle with perfectionism. I felt like everything I did, everything I said, and everything I sought after had to be perfection. If it was, then I wouldn’t hear the stinging words of criticism.

The Trap of Perfectionism

I became a professional people-pleaser and perfectionist. If it was an Olympic sport, I would have won a gold medal. Since I was striving to be someone I wasn’t, I was constantly misunderstood. So, I worked harder toward perfection, and it became this draining, never-ending cycle.

In my heart, I knew I wasn’t perfect. I knew it was OK to make genuine mistakes. I knew what Scripture said about how we all fall short and that we are called to be imitators of Christ. Yet even with that knowledge, I struggled with valuing the words of others more highly than the words of Christ.

There are many reasons why someone struggles with perfectionism. For some, it’s a way of avoiding the hurtful words of others. For others, it stems from pride or self-preservation. But regardless of the cause, perfectionism stops you from being who God has called you to be.

Perfection vs. Excellence

If you’re working toward perfection, that’s a destination you will never reach. You might become like the Pharisees in Scripture—wearing a mask of outward perfection while hiding an unclean heart. Or you could be like Martha, who was so worried about making her house perfect that she missed sitting at the feet of Jesus.

That endless cycle leaves you never feeling like enough, always being misunderstood, and never becoming the person you were designed to be.

I had to learn the difference between perfection and excellence.

Perfection relies on the opinions of others and chases worldly praise.
Excellence relies on the truth of God’s Word and seeks God’s approval.

Perfection paralyzes you. Excellence propels you.

Excellence is not a final destination but a journey—one that moves us closer to Christ and brings others along the way.

Living with Excellence

I had to learn to live a life of excellence instead of perfection. That shift in my mind helped my heart not to crumble when non-constructive criticism came. That shift in my heart has kept my eyes on Christ and my desire to imitate Him.

Ephesians 5:1–2 reminds us: “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

When you’ve experienced firsthand the power of words, you learn to pause. You see what words do both to the one who speaks them and to the one who hears them. I encourage you to become passionate about encouraging others—speaking life where healing is needed and pointing others to the joy that can only be found in Christ.

Proverbs 16:24 says, “Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

Freedom from Perfectionism

If you can relate to my story and have seen your own struggle with perfectionism, hear me clearly: there is freedom in Christ.

Whatever you do, do it with a heart of excellence that gives all glory back to Jesus.

In order to overcome perfectionism and transform your heart toward excellence:

Spend consistent time in God’s Word.
Search Scripture for what it says about how God views His children.
Look up verses that remind you how Christ wants you to live.
Write them down, hang them up, and repeat them until His truth drowns out the lies of perfectionism.

Perfectionism enslaves. Excellence in Christ sets you free.

Heather Margiotta is a Christian Writer and Speaker from northeast Ohio. She is a wife to a loving husband and a mother to two handsome sons. She received a bachelors degree in Theology and writes about her faith, adoption, relationships, and grief on her blog, HeatherMargiotta.com. Besides loving Jesus and her family, Heather is obsessed with coffee, local pizza joints, and nail polish. Find her on Instagram and Facebook.